Diary of the Girl Who Wasn't Perfect

Listen to your heart.  Be passionate and fearless.  Run away together.  Believe in love at first sight.  Hold Hands.  Laugh Nervously.  Stay in bed all day.  Learn from each other.  Write Love Letters.  Be thoughtful and generous.  Grow old together.  Be spontaneous and impulsive.  Kiss each other goodnight.  Remember why you fell in love….

This is your happily ever after. <3

I love where I am in my life.  I’ve found the love of my life.  I’ve settled into a house that I own with him. I’ve got a good job.  I’m happy with how everything has played out since I graduated from the hell that is Framingham State.

But lately, I’ve started feeling like maybe I missed out on something.  I rushed college away because I hated it so much.  I worked more often than I partied.  I don’t feel like I fully got to enjoy the “college experience”.

Then I graduated, and I was so worried about not having a job that I didn’t enjoy the free time that I had.  Rather then going out and doing things during my free time, all I did was fill out applications and work on my resume.  I suppose that was the responsible thing to do, but I just feel like I could have been doing something else with that time, stuff I don’t have time for now.  Things like traveling, and staying out late and enjoying life.  I just feel like I missed them.

Now, I work full time and I take classes at night.  The only free time I have is on the weekend.  I feel like I’m sort of stuck here now, with the job and the house. Like, I always said I wanted to move away.  I didn’t want to live here forever, but now, at least until I finish my Master’s I’m stuck here.  I don’t know.  I guess lately I’ve just been feeling weighed down by the real world.  I just wish that like I could take a break from it and go on a month long vacation, drive across the country or something.

It’s not that I’m not having fun, or that I regret where I am… I just feel like I grew up so fast…

(Source: ladylynnsmiles, via lostwithinyoureyes)

I’m excited.  That is all.

J. K. Rowling (via rosefeather)

(Source: perturbations, via prettybooks)

John C. Moffi (via implicities)

(via painfullypleasurable)

(via painfullypleasurable)

I’m not perfect.  I have flaws, lots of them.  I swear too much, even when I’m trying not to.  I cry when I’m angry.  I get angry when I cry.  I don’t always remember the promises I made.  I have regrets even though I say I don’t.  I lay awake some nights wondering about the “what-if’s”.  I worry.  I question myself.  I question others.  Sometimes I give up.  Sometimes the thing I worked hardest for doesn’t turn out to be what I wanted it to be.  I find it hard to trust even those who have proven to be trust worthy.  I’ve been hurt, gotten back up, and gotten hurt again. Sometimes I don’t want to fight anymore.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it.  I don’t always know the answer when I’m pretending to.  My confidence isn’t always as high as I try to make it seem.  I get jealous, I get spiteful and sometimes I get downright bitchy.  I’ve felt lost before.  I’ve said I wasn’t going to try anymore.  I’ve tried to hurt others just because I was feeling hurt.  I’ve talked behind someone’s back.  I’ve gossiped.  I’ve lied.  I don’t always do the right thing if there isn’t anything in it for me. 

I’m not perfect.  I have flaws.  But I try.  I may swear, but I can also write beautiful prose.  I cry when I’m happy, too.  I don’t always remember them, but I keep the promises that matter.  I have regrets, but they’ve gotten me to this point in my life, and I don’t regret that.  I lay awake wondering how I got so lucky.  I worry, but I always have faith.  I question myself, but it makes me a better person.  I question others, but it helps me find out who my allies are.  Sometimes I give up, but only when the fight isn’t worth the outcome.  Sometimes things don’t turn out the way I want, so I make the best of them.  I find it hard to trust, but that makes my trust more valuable.  I’ve gotten up after each time I was hurt, and it’s made me stronger.  When I don’t want to fight anymore, I remember what I’m fighting for.  If I decide that it’s worth it, I put my all into it.  Sometimes pretending to know the answer pays off.  My confidence needs to shake occasionally to keep me modest.  I get joyous, I get inspired, and sometimes I’m downright sweet.  I’ve felt lost, but I’ve managed to find myself.  I’ve said I wasn’t going to try, but then I did.  I’ve defended someone.  I’ve stopped gossip.  I’ve apologized. I’ve told the truth even when it’s hurt me.  I’ve done the right thing when the right thing was wrong for me. 

I’m not perfect.  But I’m okay with that. 

Andy Andrews (via thesearepeopleyouknow)

(via prettybooks)

soyacide:

Harry Potter fans who haven’t read the books..

you make me grumpy.

(via painfullypleasurable)

livelovereblog:

So all the girls with cancer can feel beautiful.

(Source: inevitable-wanderlust, via painfullypleasurable)

true story

(via lostwithinyoureyes)

(Source: 20andprettyinpink, via lostwithinyoureyes)

kaileah:

<3

(Source: h-e-r-o-i-n, via painfullypleasurable)

Rilke, Viareggio, April 5, 1903, Letters to a Young Poet (via uponswallows)

(via prettybooks)